You Can’t Change Them


I had posted this quote by Andy Warhol earlier on my FB Page Positive Energy but wanted to write my thoughts on it.
Why is it we feel such need to want to change someone else?  How is it that we think we know what is best for them?  Sure, we may have personal experience behind us that tells us they’re heading in the wrong direction, but that person simply has to find their own way.  There’s a certain amount of control over things and other people we attempt to grip onto.  We fear if we’re not in control over it all that we’ll become out of control with ourselves.  Does that make sense?  Some of us struggle with this control thing more than others.  A lot more than others.  So, where does that need really come from?  Is it maybe something from the past, say in childhood, where your boundaries were violated and you later desperately tried to gain some kind of control over it?  A lot of times that’s the underlying problem.  Not always, but usually the case.  The root of it all is none other than FEAR.

Learning how to let go and accept those things we have absolutely no control over is difficult, for some of us anyhow.  We want things and people to be the way we want because otherwise, we feel somewhat threatened.  We have a fear that if we’re not in control there’s a chance we’ll get hurt.  Just like some of us did as a kid.  Of course, if you see someone that is clearly headed for danger, such as an addict, it’s normal to want to step in and try to persuade them to seek help.  But even in that scenario, unless they want to change, they won’t.  People are simply going to do what they’re going to do, period.  You have no control over it and never will no matter how hard you fight against it.  But there is one thing you DO have control over, and one thing only, YOURSELF.  And you can decide, at any time, to truly let go and be at peace.  You can pray for that person and then let it go.

Tell yourself, just for today I choose to let go of all those things I cannot control.  Take it just one day at a time.  See yourself, in your mind’s eye, literally letting go of that grip.  Give whatever it is you are trying to control a color, a shape, a size, a texture.  Close your eyes and envision yourself gripping it as hard as possible.  Then take a nice deep breath in and release.  As you release your breath, see yourself literally unfolding your hand and letting it drop to the ground.  Feel the release.  Notice how relaxed you feel when you do that?  Do this as many times as you need.  Remind yourself that the more you let go, the more relaxed you’re going to feel and the more you’re actually going to be in control of yourself.


In the Positive Zone


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