Most of us have been there, that gut wrenching place called Heartbreak City. When you first enter that new relationship you understand that it’s all a gamble. You know that once you fall for them it’s never that easy to just drop’em like a hot potato, because there’s that little thing that stops you called…..LOVE. You’ve already crossed that early line. You’re already in deep. You want to believe that maybe, just maybe things will turn around for the better. You keep trying to force it to work, only it’s just getting worse. You are in despair. You feel this love, almost addiction, to this person and you just don’t know how you’re gonna live life without them.
Problem is, they don’t exactly feel the same way as you do. And the longer you continue believing that it MIGHT still work, the more heartache you experience. This other person is not on the same page as you. And it’s possible they never were. Or maybe they were right at the very beginning. Slowly but surely you begin the process of accepting that it’s over, it’s just freaking over. Your heart hurts, your head hurts, everything hurts. You thought this was the one for sure. You had such grand ideas for your future. You’ve given so much of yourself but have gotten nothing like that in return. You have pretended all this time that things were mutual.
Why? Why do we do this? One reason, that I’ve learned, is that in the beginning of a relationship, we get this image in our minds of what we want and we mold this person into it. We miss all the early signs. Just plum miss the big RED SIGNS. Looking back, we can clearly see it and we shake our heads saying “how, oh how could I not see it??!.” This other person has treated the dog with more respect and love than you. And you ignored it, because you still had this perfect image in your mind of what you wanted it to be so badly.
It took a toll on your self esteem and confidence in yourself. You don’t know if you can ever trust another, not even your own self for making good decisions. But here’s the thing, you gotta let go of beating yourself up over it. You gotta move on with your life and trust that your intuition will kick in the next time because now you have some experience. The one thing you don’t want to do is let your heart grow cold and close yourself off to others. It’s the top saying of everyone that’s gone through it, “Never again, never will I allow anyone else to get close to me.” But you know what? Love is like that. It’s always a gamble. But now you have guidelines to go by and boundaries you have set up for yourself. You now know the red signs to look for in the beginning.
When you get your boundaries set and let it be known, and you regain your self esteem and worth, and learn to love yourself enough to be okay with being alone, THEN is when the right person is attracted to you. Let go of thinking you NEED someone in order to be okay. You do not. When two people in a relationship are emotionally healthy, they simply complete each other, compliment each other. They don’t feel NEEDY.
I’ve seen far too many couples unhappy in their relationships, whether married or not. That’s no way to live. They more or less just tolerate the others presence. That’s not a healthy relationship. It’s not healthy to be disrespectful of the other, or talk negatively about them to their face or behind their back. It’s not healthy to never share time doing things together. Nor is it healthy to consistently argue.
Think about these things BEFORE you enter into a relationship. And never believe that it’s better to just stay in it rather than leave because all you’re doing is sacrificing your well being in life.
In the Positive Zone